Hướng dẫn viết IELTS Writing task 1 có ví dụ và phân tích

Hướng dẫn viết IELTS Writing task 1 có ví dụ và phân tích chi tiết cụ thể. Đây là phần tiếp theo của chủ đề trước đó mà Ad đã postHướng dẫn viết IELTS Writing task 1 có ví dụ và phân tích (phần 1)

3. Example and analysis:

a. Example 1:

Level: 3.5 to 4.5 

The line graph let us know the number of international tourists come to Brazil, Egypt, Malaysia, France and the USA from 1995 to 2010. In 2010, the one had the most people came is the USA and France at the same number. The smallest amount of visitors is to Brazil in 2010. Clearly, 1995 is the bad year for tourism because the tourists were coming more after that. For example: Brazil in 1995: 10 milions tourist, in 2010: 13 milions tourists. The other countries is the same, the number of tourists were rising. Although there are some ups and downs through the past years, but they are all still rising.

Overall, I think Malaysia tourism and France and Brazil and Egypt has the potential to continue rising after 2010.

(129 words)

Remark:

Good points:

• The write know what information should be included in writing opening, body
• The structure used are in IELTS form: S + V +adv

Improvement:

• Insufficient number of words
• Inappropriate lead-in (opening – red word): in IELTS writing, the language used must be formal, we do not use “let us”, instead, it must be “indicates/shows/illustrates…”
• Limited range of structure. You can see in the sample there are mostly simple sentences (brown): S + V + adv
• Basic grammar errors (blue):

+ Verb in plural and singular form

+ Unit of measurement: remember that after a number, the unit of measurement such as “million/billion/hundred…” will never be in plural form.

+ Tense: always check carefully what tense the writing use from the beginning to the end.

• Good structure but with errors (green): the sentence may raise the score in your writing but it gets mistake.
• Not include significant details of given information: number, trend…
• Inappropriate format: remember to separate opening and body by jumping to the next row and make the beginning letter of the sentence to be in capital.

Level: 5.0 to 6.0

Given is a line graph illustrating the international tourist arrivals in five countries from 1995 to 2010. As travelling is becoming a common interest and a lifestyle, there is no doubt that the number of foreign visitors in these five countries following with an increasing trend.

The USA has always been the most favorite tourist destination. It reached the number of 70 millions visitings in 1995 while Brazil together with Egypt stood at the bottom with only 10 million tourist’s arrivals. France ranked in the second place. Malaysia tourism was also doing a great job when attracted more and more tourists over the years, according to the given data. In 2000, Brazil tourist arrival level started to rise. The same trend happened to Egypt with a slightly different figure. In the last year, 2010 witnessed a significant feature: France and USA gained an equal figure of international arrivals, about 90 million, putting France into a competition with USA’s tourism.

In conclusion, tourism in every five countries had a trend of development and there were dramatic changes in the future with France and USA, which are the most and the second most popular travelling choice at that time.

(197 words)

Remark

Good points:

• The writer know how to write opening:

• Academic opening (red): good structure “Given is/are + (name of the chart) + V-ing (function) + Object + Place/Time”
• Presents an overview with information appropriately selected (yellow)

• Body: Use a mix of simple and complex sentence: (orange)
• Good structure of IELTS writing: Appropriate format with 3 parts: opening, body, conclusion

• Acceptable amount of vocabulary and structure
• Sufficient amount of words required (>150 words)

Improvement:

• Comparison: the writing quite lack of comparison structure
• However, in the writing, there are some mistakes in grammar and language used, in fact, it is acceptable to get a mistake but you should limit the number of committing in order not to be reduced the mark: (Blue)

+ Unit of measurement: remember that after a number, the unit of measurement such as “million/billion/hundred…” will never be in plural form.

+ Language:

• Wrong nouns: “visitings” –> “visits”
• Informal language: “do a great job” –> “to be in great position”

Above 6.5 

Given is a line graph showing the overall numbers of tourist arrivals in five countries in the period between 1995 and 2010. It is evident that there were all upward trend in tourists number for the five countries, in that, France saw the most significant increasing level of visits in the last year of the period.

In details, in 1995, over 70 million tourists visited the United States, more than twice as many as the next most popular destination shown, France. However, between 2005 and 2010, there was a decrease of approximately 1,500,000 in the numbers going to the United States whereas there was an increase of nearly 20 million tourists visiting France. The result was that in 2010 the number of tourists arriving in the United States and France was almost equal at around 90 million each. 

Regarding the remaining countries, the number of tourists visiting Malaysia rose steadily over the whole period but by 2010 the total was still under 50 million. The countries with the fewest tourist arrivals were Brazil and Egypt. In specific detail, the number of tourists going there was similar between 1995 and 2000 but after that/then there was a greater increase in tourists going to Egypt than to Brazil.

(206 words)

Remark

Good points:

• Academic opening (red): good structure “Given is/are + (name of the chart) + V-ing (function) + Object + Place/Time”
• Presents an overview with information appropriately selected (yellow)
• Appropriate format with 3 parts: opening, body, conclusion
• Use comparison sentence: (orange)
• Transitional words: (green) the writing ideas are connected and easy for readers to follow
• The writer knows how to divide the lines into layers to analyze: the two higher should be come together and the remaining others are in the same group. It is easier to see the relationship in the figures of two layers and the relationship among lines in each layer: in this case, the USA and France are in a layer while Malaysia, Egypt and Brazil are in the second lower figure layer

Improvement:

• The writer may use wider range of other uncommon vocabulary and transitional words to raise the score
• It is acceptable to get a mistake but you should limit the number of committing in order not to be reduced the mark

Phần tiếp theo trong chuỗi bài ví dụ có phân tích trong IELTS Writing Task 1 ( phần cuối )